For someone whose motto is ‘Trust the Universe’, I’m not quite sure how I feel about Covid-19 totally screwing over my zest for living and working in the dreamy, vibey, yet chaotic capital city, halting my plans to explore Europe and my quest to find the best brunch spots. I’ll give Corona credit though, because it’s sure as hell knocked me out of my complacency.

You see, once you’ve been single for a while and observed your friends getting exploited, experienced the socially awkward guys on dates and damn right rude courtship practises, you definitely lose faith in some men. You learn to become self-sufficient in every sense, much more independent and a lot more discerning of the company you keep. You value yourself, your time and your energy, which I think is really important. Travelling solo also makes you content with solitude. You don’t mind eating alone because you know what you bring to the table.

When Covid hit, I was working in London and living in an over-priced flat share with strangers, devoid of a balcony or garden and few green spaces in Shepherd’s Bush. The thought of being in a London lockdown, with no boyfriend to turn to and few friends in the city, and the need to vacate asap as my landlord wanted his flat back, made it an easy choice to head back to leafy Surrey. I know it sounds like first world problems and, in some ways, it is, but it’s very tricky being single in a global pandemic. I, like 40% of those my age, now live with their parents; generation rent struggling to get on the property ladder, further compounded by the virus.

2020 has effectively been a complete write off. My confidence, resilience and dating mindset has definitely ebbed and flowed with the lockdowns and the seasons. And that headspace is key for successful dating, something I learned the hard way navigating therapy, a job change, house move and a new relationship nearly two years ago…

Last summer, in a quest for novelty, a need to get out of my comfort zone and just have fun, I decided to download those dreaded dating apps.

Dating in a pandemic is surreal.

From the g-g-glitchy virtual video dates, cringe-worthy covid chat-up lines to socially distanced dates, with the 10pm curfew providing the perfect excuse to ditch the catfish, a deadly virus really does change the dating game.

Even pre-covid, I wasn’t completely sold on the idea of turning to a superficial algorithm weighted on emojis, questionable photos and generic bios. I’m clearly the anomaly as the majority of my friends have met their other halves via an app or dating website. The concept seems so backwards to me: to advertise yourself within a set character limit, bait and match, sustain and over-rely on a text conversation with no idea of how this person actually looks or behaves. Investing time and energy to eventually meet in person, hoping to explore if you’re even remotely compatible intellectually, spiritually, sexually or emotionally. The best thing about real life encounters from the onset, is that it’s much more effective in establishing authentic compatibility, pick up on nuances of tone, humour and ‘spark’.

Now would I like a boyfriend? Sure, but to quote Ricky Gervais, ‘I’m not looking for a relationship but if I see a bargain, I’ll have it’. I think with the current state of the nation and future uncertainty, the disposable nature of swiping/choice-overload, the #metoo movement, life stresses and social media; chance encounters, striking up a conversation with a stranger or just meeting new people outside your immediate social bubble is proving harder than ever, especially when the Government makes it illegal.

And just when you think you’re having fun getting to know someone, cue another lockdown.

Establishing a connection, building intimacy and enjoying the moment doesn’t mesh well with masks, anti-bac and varying degrees of pressure to flout Stay at Home rules. It’s been a year of false-starts, frustration and a desperate need for touch and tenderness. According to Google’s Year in Search, “what to do on a virtual date” was a top trending search in 2020 – a rather depressing stat.

There are definitely elements I would take forward when lockdown restrictions ease.

Here’s what I’ve learnt:

• First rule of dating is that there are no rules. Sticking to sex on the third date mentality, girls waiting to be asked out on and expecting men to always pay is so outdated.
• Having the mindset of a meet-up being a great date or a great story helps to ease nerves, lowers expectations and means you can have fun without a set end goal affecting the moment.
• Jumping on a video call early on helps efficiently and effectively whittle down the pool of matches and reduces wasted time spent on weirdos, cat-fishes and people you know you’re not going to vibe with.
• Better use the in-app functionality of video calls and voice notes to help mix things up, as over relying on text can create a one-dimensional experience.
• Meet in a public space in daylight – easier to have an escape plan to graciously leave.
• If you had the worst date ever, it doesn’t cost anything to be kind and mention that they’re great but not what you are after. Not that you really owe them anything, but no one likes being ghosted.
• Communication is key. Not just up front but throughout and especially when feelings or circumstances change, whether you’re anxious about how fast things are going or the ever-evolving covid rules.
• How a potential partner reacts in a pandemic provides a fascinating insight into their personality. It highlights their political leaning, media diet, how resilient or respectful they are, how they cope under pressure and deal with mental health, amongst other things.
• A pandemic intensifies just about everything, especially the texting/talk stage, for better and for worse.

Discussing the pitfalls of online dating with another singleton, we both mused just how many guys on dates are socially inept. There are some seriously basic elements to note; don’t mention your ex all the time, put your god-damn phone away and ask a few questions to hold an intellectually stimulating conversation. One guy, who shall remain nameless, insisted on documenting each drink and dinner course to his Insta stories.

It’s a surreal time to date that’s for sure, but don’t settle for anything less than spectacular.